Chicken Talk

A fluffy invasion
November 24, 2009, 7:54 pm
Filed under: Bruno | Tags:

The big chickens certainly associate themselves with some strange looking birds. The garden has yet again been infested by two new fluffy deamons.

They both have two strange combs sprouting from their heads and constantly run at us with their fluffy beaks.

Bessie attempted a revenge attack but their fluffy shields are too powerful for us.

If I see them anywhere near our meal worms, it’s war for the fluffy intruders.

Help! We’re being eaten!
November 19, 2009, 7:37 pm
Filed under: Oscar | Tags:

We are under attack!

Over the past week we have been at war with minature vampires!

The big chickens have tried to flush them out but the living dead just won’t die. Bruno has been crying and Bessie’s hair is not at it’s best.

Someone call 999, an excorcist, something!

Rid us of the red mite monsters!

June 10, 2009, 4:52 pm
Filed under: Captain Jack Sparrow | Tags: , , , ,


I have discovered something delightful and even more fierce than this season’s Prada collection.

Yesterday, the big chicken brought a musical box into the coup. At first I thought it was just another one of Bruno’s fads but then, the subtle nuances of a noise they call Rachmaninoff began to play.

I have never felt such sheer pleasure.

The others are so common they spent the day screeching for Girls Aloud. But my ears have been forever changed.

What does this button do?
June 7, 2009, 5:53 pm
Filed under: Bessie | Tags: , , , , , ,
We come in peace

We come in peace

We’re from the countryside so we don’t understand all this city nonsense. Back where we came from, the biggest excitement is who has laid the best egg each day. Still, CJS and that foot feathered daemon, Bruno, say we have to post so we decided to give it a go together.

None of these new chickens look like us. We have fur and they have feathers and talk about how ‘hot’ their leg bands

Hangin' with the new birds

Hangin' with the new birds


Still, we like our new home. The big chickens treat us differently to our last big chickens. They were nice enough, but the new ones have told us about worms and they stroke our heads which makes us sleepy.

They say we have names now too – I’m called Bessie and she’s The Ram. I think we will be alright here as long as the others stop pecking us and bossing us around. We could certainly get used to this life.

Fluffy Aliens
June 6, 2009, 10:06 am
Filed under: Dave | Tags: , , ,
Conference with Bruno

Conference with Bruno

Err, is it just me or are there less chickens living here now?

On Friday, I was gazing longingly at some new vegetables the big chickens had planted for us and I fell asleep. When I woke up, the boys had gone.

Bruno was moaning about it (as usual), thinking it was her fault for complaining about them. Me, I’m not too bothered – more food for me to eat.

Then, at the end of the day, these two fluffy strangers appeared. One of them was kind of mean to me but then CJS sorted them out. Now I think they’re alright and Oscar seems to have made friends with them too.

The cloud

The cloud

One of them looks like a cloud and says The Big Chickens call her Bessie and the other one is called The Ram. I like the cloud the best because she doesn’t like meal worms and gives hers to me.

I’ll let you know if they go weird or anything.

The truth about sex
June 3, 2009, 7:44 pm
Filed under: Bruno | Tags: , , , ,
Trying to alert The Big Chicken to the problem

Trying to alert The Big Chicken to the problem

This morning we were awakened by a strange and unusual noise. In my state of half sleep, I struggled to position the source of the commotion, but slowly as my vision cleared I could see it was Fajhita.

The sheer volume of the squawk emulating from his beak was near on deafening – a bold and strong ‘cock-a-doodle-do’.

What truly perturbed me was some of the others reactions. Dave and CJS began puffing up their feathers and blushing, muttering to each other how handsome Fajhita is. All they have talked about recently is their first egg, when it will come and how they will feel like true hens.

I don’t understand why things have to change? I want to stay young and free to scratch around in the wood chip. I don’t even care if my foot feathers get dirty. These days I’ve been thinking it’s not so bad to be small.

I want to stay young forever and I don’t want to talk to stupid boys.

Colourful Food
May 18, 2009, 7:14 pm
Filed under: Dave | Tags: , , , , ,
Munch munch munch

Munch munch munch

Is it just me or does food taste nicer when it’s multicoloured?

The big chicken weirds me out sometimes. Stewy and I were chowing down on some flowery food the big ones had planted for us but, for some reason, they did not look happy.

Why would they grow such delicious delights if it is not to satisfy our appetites?

Stewy was so angry after getting told off she totally trashed the coup – all this anger for an afternoon snack.

Life is hard when you’re a chicken.

CJS is Sad
May 12, 2009, 6:26 am
Filed under: Captain Jack Sparrow | Tags: , , , ,
At least I'm still fierce

At least I'm still fierce

So, you may have heard from Bruno that all has not been well in the coup. Unfortunately, this week something even worse has happened. I heard from my friends on twitter that Katie Price and Peter Andre are said to split!

I simply dispair! If this can happen to the golden couple, then what shall come of me? Clearly dressing to impress is no longer enough.

And what of their offspring? The blonde feathered one they call princess can come and live with me in the coup. I open my wings to the Price-Andre family. CJS is there for you.

Black Friday
May 11, 2009, 9:20 pm
Filed under: Bruno | Tags: , , , , , ,
A Fantastic Plant

A Fantastic Plant

Some of you may have noticed, Mr Fantastic and I were not the best of friends. What you may not have known is that we had an understanding. You see, underneath it all, we loved each other. We mocked each others faults. I couldn’t count how many times I ran to the cube crying after she made a comment about my foot feathers but in my heart of hearts I knew she didn’t mean it.

A week ago something terrible happened. I turned around for just a moment and when I looked back Mr Fantastic was on the floor. I couldn’t say what had happened but it was clear she had passed. Oscar and Dave reacted badly and pecked the body until they were covered in blood. Their reaction to the grief sickened me so I pecked back.

Over the next few days we were at war until the big chicken stepped in. She stopped them from pecking and laid Mr Fantastic to rest under a spectacular new tree. Rest in peace my dear friend, you will be sorely missed.

The moving stone
April 25, 2009, 4:22 pm
Filed under: Mr Fantastic | Tags: , , , , , ,
The moving stone

The moving stone

Something like seriously weird has happened man. The big chicken has brought home a moving stone – no sh%&

Dust bath mania

Dust bath mania

We were all hanging catching worms and Bruno and Oscar were going mental in the dust bath. I was just chillin wondering why grass is so like green man. A generally sweet afternoon (except when Bruno moaned at Oscar for getting her stupid foot feathers dirty).

So then the big chicken comes over. And we think shes like gonna give us some food but instead she has this stone – which is already weird. The she like, puts down the stone and seriously, I could have been tripping but it actually got up and started walking around.

This has been the most f&*ked up day ever man.